If you don't laugh you'll cry

So it's been a while since I've blogged so I thought I'd tell you some recent highlights of my life:

I was at work the other day and one of the other CNAs, Sam, comes and gets me and has little brown specks all over her light pink scrub pants. She looks at me and says "So I when I rolled this lady on her side to change her brief she started farting" looks down at her pants...

Later that afternoon the activity aide comes to get me to tell me one of my residents needs to use the bathroom. She's a two person transfer so Sam comes into the bathroom to help me. We stand the lady up and get her pants down and she says "I'm coming!" I didn't know if we were talking pee or poop here and all of the sudden poop is falling like logs, so we dash to get her over the toilet right as a huge piece hits the seat and miliseconds later her but hits the seat creating a waterballon breaking type reaction. Sam and I just look at each other, poop everywhere, and she says "What a crappy day" at which point we both erupted into laughter. The resident looks at me (completely clueless to the poop sandwich she just created) and with complete seriousness and exasperation says "Why does this have to happen during Bingo?!"

Today I have this lady who has been nauseous/vomiting the past two days. She's been fine my entire shift, I get her into bed, have the puke bucket next to her so she can grab it if she needs it, (even though all day she just kept setting it on the floor), walk out and 10 seconds later she is yelling for me. I walk in to find her covered in puke all down to opposite side where the bucket is. If the bucket is on your right, why would you turn your head to the left?!

Side note: Tiny frail people who can't feed themselves or dress themselves somehow still have the strength to beat the crap out of you.

I need a day off.